DADT's about to be wiped out.
In other words, if a guy who likes other dudes wants to get shot at and put himself at risk for the safety of others, he can do it.
Sad, sad day indeed.....
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
frenemies
At his super fly rally a few days ago , Jon Stewart mentioned how shit goes real bad when you can't tell friend from foe.
In response to Park51, many open-minded opponents cited some shit like "..... you wouldn't build a Shinto shrine on Oahu in the months after Pearl Harbor, would you?"
The important thing to remember is WHERE the attack came from. It's okay to acknowledge groups. They're out there. Lines are drawn. Sometimes they're clear to see (African versus Eskimo). Sometimes they're not so easy to see (tranny versus tranny). But the point is, groups are, more or less, out there. Fine.
But - if you had any sort of loving childhood or a decent upbringing in a good public elementary school - you would know that one person doesn't represent the entire group.
In school, kids are always reminded before field trips: Remember, when we get to [insert place with gift shop and marginal educational value here], you are an AMBASSADOR of [insert school name here]. So don't take lewd photos of the Washington Monument as your dick, don't do pullups off the wing of a prop plane at the Liberty Science Center* and DEFINITELY don't grope the Marilyn Monroe wax statue. ARE WE CLEAR???
Still, very few of us come out as perfect ambassadors of whatever group we're in. How could we? It's hard enough to stand on ceremony and make ourselves look presentable half the time. And we're expected to do that for ourselves PLUS our 80 distinct colleagues? C'mooooon!!
So, captain Brilliant - did the Shinto religion make the call to decimate the boats? No. In the end, it was probably a couple Japanese military guys huddled together in a reinforced pagoda, one of which was clever enough to think, "Hey, they'll never see THIS one coming!"
So if a statue of that one clever dude went up at Hawaii, we'd have a problem. Otherwise, putting a Shinto shrine in the area (and I'm told there are many, given Hawaii's Japanese population) shouldn't be an issue.
Neither should a prayer space at Park51. Muslims attacked the US, true enough. A few Muslims. All of Islam didn't do it! Just a few of it's angrier, crazier members who played a lot of Flight Simulator during their downtime. (And let's face it- if all of Islam wanted us gone, we'd probably have been decimated a long time ago.)
If a black guy steals my non-existent Toyota Camry, do I scowl every time I pass an NAACP building? If small children mock my short Asian man stature as I'm sitting in the park, do I spraypaint "SANTA CLAUS IS YOUR PARENTS" on the wall of the local YMCA? Is one femme fatale justification for hating everything with a vadge?
(The answers to the above are "of course not," "depending on my mood," "of course not.")
Similarly. Couple pissed off Muslims fuck our shit up doesn't mean we take it out on all of them. Think of the converse: say the nicest picture-perfect American family is hiking through Iraq on vacation (Iran was booked). Mom, dad, two kids, dog, minivan. Insurgents grab them and throw bags over their heads, drag em in front of the camcorder and do all the usual shit. Then one of them says - probably in a thick, hard-to-type accent straight out of Call of Duty :
You American devils bombed my village and slaughtered my family in the process. For that you will pay dearly.
Petrified American dude : That wasn't us! The people who did that maybe looked like us, ate the same unhealthy food and listened to the same degrading-and-provocative-but-still-very-catchy music as us, but that wasn't us!!! For the love of God, put down the scimitar and let us go!! WE did nothing to you!
Suddenly we're shouting the same exact thing that every nice Muslim** in the US is saying, hoping it'll stick. At least, from the point of view of the impending decapitee, it makes sense.
* Were it not for an attentive security guard, I would have done this.
** Note that there are definitely bad Muslims in the US, as there are bad Jews, bad Mexicans, bad Italians, bad Singaporeans, bad albinos, bad taxi drivers (all), bad clergymen, bad journalists, bad _____s, etc.
*** And unfortunately, the number of bad Muslims in the US might creep up, as 24 is no longer on the air. The mortality rate of Middle Eastern men in the US actually dropped a little since the show concluded back in May.
In response to Park51, many open-minded opponents cited some shit like "..... you wouldn't build a Shinto shrine on Oahu in the months after Pearl Harbor, would you?"
The important thing to remember is WHERE the attack came from. It's okay to acknowledge groups. They're out there. Lines are drawn. Sometimes they're clear to see (African versus Eskimo). Sometimes they're not so easy to see (tranny versus tranny). But the point is, groups are, more or less, out there. Fine.
But - if you had any sort of loving childhood or a decent upbringing in a good public elementary school - you would know that one person doesn't represent the entire group.
In school, kids are always reminded before field trips: Remember, when we get to [insert place with gift shop and marginal educational value here], you are an AMBASSADOR of [insert school name here]. So don't take lewd photos of the Washington Monument as your dick, don't do pullups off the wing of a prop plane at the Liberty Science Center* and DEFINITELY don't grope the Marilyn Monroe wax statue. ARE WE CLEAR???
Still, very few of us come out as perfect ambassadors of whatever group we're in. How could we? It's hard enough to stand on ceremony and make ourselves look presentable half the time. And we're expected to do that for ourselves PLUS our 80 distinct colleagues? C'mooooon!!
So, captain Brilliant - did the Shinto religion make the call to decimate the boats? No. In the end, it was probably a couple Japanese military guys huddled together in a reinforced pagoda, one of which was clever enough to think, "Hey, they'll never see THIS one coming!"
So if a statue of that one clever dude went up at Hawaii, we'd have a problem. Otherwise, putting a Shinto shrine in the area (and I'm told there are many, given Hawaii's Japanese population) shouldn't be an issue.
Neither should a prayer space at Park51. Muslims attacked the US, true enough. A few Muslims. All of Islam didn't do it! Just a few of it's angrier, crazier members who played a lot of Flight Simulator during their downtime. (And let's face it- if all of Islam wanted us gone, we'd probably have been decimated a long time ago.)
If a black guy steals my non-existent Toyota Camry, do I scowl every time I pass an NAACP building? If small children mock my short Asian man stature as I'm sitting in the park, do I spraypaint "SANTA CLAUS IS YOUR PARENTS" on the wall of the local YMCA? Is one femme fatale justification for hating everything with a vadge?
(The answers to the above are "of course not," "depending on my mood," "of course not.")
Similarly. Couple pissed off Muslims fuck our shit up doesn't mean we take it out on all of them. Think of the converse: say the nicest picture-perfect American family is hiking through Iraq on vacation (Iran was booked). Mom, dad, two kids, dog, minivan. Insurgents grab them and throw bags over their heads, drag em in front of the camcorder and do all the usual shit. Then one of them says - probably in a thick, hard-to-type accent straight out of Call of Duty :
You American devils bombed my village and slaughtered my family in the process. For that you will pay dearly.
Petrified American dude : That wasn't us! The people who did that maybe looked like us, ate the same unhealthy food and listened to the same degrading-and-provocative-but-still-very-catchy music as us, but that wasn't us!!! For the love of God, put down the scimitar and let us go!! WE did nothing to you!
Suddenly we're shouting the same exact thing that every nice Muslim** in the US is saying, hoping it'll stick. At least, from the point of view of the impending decapitee, it makes sense.
* Were it not for an attentive security guard, I would have done this.
** Note that there are definitely bad Muslims in the US, as there are bad Jews, bad Mexicans, bad Italians, bad Singaporeans, bad albinos, bad taxi drivers (all), bad clergymen, bad journalists, bad _____s, etc.
*** And unfortunately, the number of bad Muslims in the US might creep up, as 24 is no longer on the air. The mortality rate of Middle Eastern men in the US actually dropped a little since the show concluded back in May.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Nobody makes me bleed my own blood
Halloween's in three days. It's 60 degrees F or so. There are MOSQUITOES in Carlyle. Things make more and more sense these days.
We've come so far in science. Basically the only thing we can't do is bring the dead back to life (although cryonics is still going on, in a heated race with the Satanic cultists). And yet we are still fighting a battle against bedbugs - a somewhat losing battle, as they gobbled up an Abercrombie & Fitch back in July and have been raping movie theaters left and right (so hide yo kids, hide yo wife, hide yo husband).
Bed bugs are tough as shit. They're great at hiding. Usually. They operate very well in large, coordinated groups. Apparently they can go MONTHS without eating. And they're getting more resistant to all the toxins we throw at them. Pretty soon, fire and Chuck Norris will be the only workable solutions. Seriously, the Army needs to start researching these fuckers.
But in a weird and very uncomfortable way, they've taught us some humility. Because people are NOT at the top of the food chain. In fact it should be a ring. Or some kind of polygon. But what's going to fuck us up on apocalypse day? Assuming we don't do it to ourselves - also likely - it will probably go to something way smaller. A virus, perhaps, or some kind of bacteria. Maybe some disgruntled trench coat-wearing death metal-loving euglenae will do us in. Man, would that suck =/
*** Oh, but if you have mosquitoes, spraying a mix of alcohol, mouthwash and epsom salt (huhh?) around the area is supposed to keep them away.
A similar tactic is advised for Jehovah's witnesses.
We've come so far in science. Basically the only thing we can't do is bring the dead back to life (although cryonics is still going on, in a heated race with the Satanic cultists). And yet we are still fighting a battle against bedbugs - a somewhat losing battle, as they gobbled up an Abercrombie & Fitch back in July and have been raping movie theaters left and right (so hide yo kids, hide yo wife, hide yo husband).
Bed bugs are tough as shit. They're great at hiding. Usually. They operate very well in large, coordinated groups. Apparently they can go MONTHS without eating. And they're getting more resistant to all the toxins we throw at them. Pretty soon, fire and Chuck Norris will be the only workable solutions. Seriously, the Army needs to start researching these fuckers.
But in a weird and very uncomfortable way, they've taught us some humility. Because people are NOT at the top of the food chain. In fact it should be a ring. Or some kind of polygon. But what's going to fuck us up on apocalypse day? Assuming we don't do it to ourselves - also likely - it will probably go to something way smaller. A virus, perhaps, or some kind of bacteria. Maybe some disgruntled trench coat-wearing death metal-loving euglenae will do us in. Man, would that suck =/
*** Oh, but if you have mosquitoes, spraying a mix of alcohol, mouthwash and epsom salt (huhh?) around the area is supposed to keep them away.
A similar tactic is advised for Jehovah's witnesses.
Friday, October 15, 2010
for Anni
Hope that comes out as a video of some college kids on a rollercoaster instead of a set of arbitrary slashes, numbers and inequality symbols.
To my screaming mass of fans - I plan to start writing in this thing again.
I also plan to work out, get laid and pinpoint the location of the Holy Grail, soooo take that as you will.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Get off the black lady's ass
RACISM FAST FACTS
1. It has nothing to do with a certain pale race hating on other considerably darker races. So when Emmett Till got 50 kinds of fucked up that night, sure. That's racism. When four black guys fucked up Reginald Denny, that was also racism. This "reverse racism" shit implies that white guys were the ones who started it - okay, MAYBE they were - but that right there is a judgmental, blanketing idea. It means that you automatically link racism to a white guy doing some shit to somebody else, and that's an easy stereotype.
2. Racism, as defined:
1. It has nothing to do with a certain pale race hating on other considerably darker races. So when Emmett Till got 50 kinds of fucked up that night, sure. That's racism. When four black guys fucked up Reginald Denny, that was also racism. This "reverse racism" shit implies that white guys were the ones who started it - okay, MAYBE they were - but that right there is a judgmental, blanketing idea. It means that you automatically link racism to a white guy doing some shit to somebody else, and that's an easy stereotype.
2. Racism, as defined:
"A belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others."
In other words, you think "Because this guy is [insert race here], I can IMMEDIATELY say this, this and this about his cultural and individual achievement." (You probably also think, "I'm better than him because I'm [insert race here] and he's [insert race here].")
The other definition is the fan favorite "hatred or intolerance of another race or races."
3. Pointing out true, obvious facts is not racist. Saying "my Asian friend is dating a black girl" is not racist, even if it's a pretty rare thing. However, if you say "I saw an Asian guy dating a black girl, so he's probably a small-dicked doctor-to-be who loves math and is emotionless and she's probably a big-lipped basketball-loving hip hop fan and maybe a petty criminal, and I hate them both because of their races and I wish I could kill them," THAT'S Klan status right there.
4. Stereotypes - good and bad - are an extension of racism. Immediate corollaries derived from somebody's race alone (instead of other silly things like, say, their character) are racist, even if it's a "good" stereotype (i.e. "black guys are packing some serious junk")
Race is a touchy issue. Always has been, and probably always will be, as long as stupid people get offended whenever you mention a colour or some other trivial shit. If you're going to dive into that whole mess and its social implications, make sure you can actually define what you're engaging. Might be helpful.
In other words, you think "Because this guy is [insert race here], I can IMMEDIATELY say this, this and this about his cultural and individual achievement." (You probably also think, "I'm better than him because I'm [insert race here] and he's [insert race here].")
The other definition is the fan favorite "hatred or intolerance of another race or races."
3. Pointing out true, obvious facts is not racist. Saying "my Asian friend is dating a black girl" is not racist, even if it's a pretty rare thing. However, if you say "I saw an Asian guy dating a black girl, so he's probably a small-dicked doctor-to-be who loves math and is emotionless and she's probably a big-lipped basketball-loving hip hop fan and maybe a petty criminal, and I hate them both because of their races and I wish I could kill them," THAT'S Klan status right there.
4. Stereotypes - good and bad - are an extension of racism. Immediate corollaries derived from somebody's race alone (instead of other silly things like, say, their character) are racist, even if it's a "good" stereotype (i.e. "black guys are packing some serious junk")
Race is a touchy issue. Always has been, and probably always will be, as long as stupid people get offended whenever you mention a colour or some other trivial shit. If you're going to dive into that whole mess and its social implications, make sure you can actually define what you're engaging. Might be helpful.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
I'm calling security
A few hours ago some Korean triad/thug was cast out of Bobst for trespassing. While he was leaving he ran his mouth in his thick Korean triad/thug accent, asking the security guard "are you mad?" and "you should take it easy" and some other bullshit.
First, it's a little alarming that he got into an NYU building without having any kind of ID, but whatever. Second, what's with these fucking toolbags thinking it's cool to dick around with authority like that?
Being smug and cocky and smooth with cops or security guards doesn't make you cool, or brave, or dashing, or any of that shit that's supposed to attract loose, shallow women. What the fuck are you going to do. Seriously. You gonna outrun some cops on the road? Wow, good job, you can drive fast! The douches who post pictures of themselves getting cuffed are the greatest, because they're always saying, look at what a badass I am! I got busted for weed! I'm so fly!
If you want to look cool while fighting higher powers, do it the Jack Bauer way. Win a fight with the KGB. Not your local 25-man police force. Idiots.
First, it's a little alarming that he got into an NYU building without having any kind of ID, but whatever. Second, what's with these fucking toolbags thinking it's cool to dick around with authority like that?
Being smug and cocky and smooth with cops or security guards doesn't make you cool, or brave, or dashing, or any of that shit that's supposed to attract loose, shallow women. What the fuck are you going to do. Seriously. You gonna outrun some cops on the road? Wow, good job, you can drive fast! The douches who post pictures of themselves getting cuffed are the greatest, because they're always saying, look at what a badass I am! I got busted for weed! I'm so fly!
If you want to look cool while fighting higher powers, do it the Jack Bauer way. Win a fight with the KGB. Not your local 25-man police force. Idiots.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
We should stop doing things that make other countries hate us
Title says it all.
NEW YORK - home of the yellow cab, halal carts, fashion, finance and all that shit. A lot of assholes live here too, and you can usually hear them from afar. "Bitch!" snapped one ho as she brushed against somebody walking the opposite way. "Cunt!" was the automatic reply.
It's no secret. New Yorkers tend to be nastier than most Americans. How does this make us look to foreigners? First, they think we're all of the following: ignorant, obese, stupid, lazy, bad at soccer (though our boys' efforts have hopefully changed that some).
Add to the list "ready to say anything to piss anybody off because somebody stepped on your shoe," and we really don't come off as a well-to-do people. Granted, ALL Americans aren't like that. But some are more so than others, and they're the fucking douchebags who are making us look bad.
I haven't visited the following countries (so I might be spewing complete drivel) but I'm guessing that in places such as Iran, the vampire European countries, Somalia and Serbia, yelling "fuck you and your mom, you fucking fuck!"because someone forgot to signal is probably a good way to get your ass beat. Here we don't have that, because we enjoy our American freedoms and security, which suggest it's not kosher to start fights on the street or in the subway. In other places of the world, you run your mouth and you get fucked up and that's just how it is. Here, in "civilized America," you can be a big asshole as much as you want, and you probably won't get stabbed.
Has our security and way of life actually made it easier for us to be assholes? God, I hope not.
Some people grow up in cultures that suggest you watch what you say, because you never know when somebody's going to get fatally stabbed because of a 53rd and 6th line cutting incident (happened) or an accidental bump outside a train station (also happened). Some New Yorkers live in this bubble of I-can-say-whatever-shit-I-want-and-fuck-you-if-you-don't-like-it, and while it's unfortunate that they haven't met a stabber just yet, it's really not helping our image.
God help us all
NEW YORK - home of the yellow cab, halal carts, fashion, finance and all that shit. A lot of assholes live here too, and you can usually hear them from afar. "Bitch!" snapped one ho as she brushed against somebody walking the opposite way. "Cunt!" was the automatic reply.
It's no secret. New Yorkers tend to be nastier than most Americans. How does this make us look to foreigners? First, they think we're all of the following: ignorant, obese, stupid, lazy, bad at soccer (though our boys' efforts have hopefully changed that some).
Add to the list "ready to say anything to piss anybody off because somebody stepped on your shoe," and we really don't come off as a well-to-do people. Granted, ALL Americans aren't like that. But some are more so than others, and they're the fucking douchebags who are making us look bad.
I haven't visited the following countries (so I might be spewing complete drivel) but I'm guessing that in places such as Iran, the vampire European countries, Somalia and Serbia, yelling "fuck you and your mom, you fucking fuck!"because someone forgot to signal is probably a good way to get your ass beat. Here we don't have that, because we enjoy our American freedoms and security, which suggest it's not kosher to start fights on the street or in the subway. In other places of the world, you run your mouth and you get fucked up and that's just how it is. Here, in "civilized America," you can be a big asshole as much as you want, and you probably won't get stabbed.
Has our security and way of life actually made it easier for us to be assholes? God, I hope not.
Some people grow up in cultures that suggest you watch what you say, because you never know when somebody's going to get fatally stabbed because of a 53rd and 6th line cutting incident (happened) or an accidental bump outside a train station (also happened). Some New Yorkers live in this bubble of I-can-say-whatever-shit-I-want-and-fuck-you-if-you-don't-like-it, and while it's unfortunate that they haven't met a stabber just yet, it's really not helping our image.
God help us all
Monday, June 21, 2010
Get down hit the floor!
During this morning's Chile x Switzerland match, Jorge Valdivia got a yellow card for pretending that a Swiss player tripped him up, snapped his fibula in a few places and stepped on his face. This obviously isn't what happened, but he tried to give that impression on the way down. The referee didn't buy the simulation so he carded his ass for being a big fat phony.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcCO6E4NUs8&feature=related
All this diving and flopping shit gets in the way of the sport (see also: Pau Gasol and Josh Koscheck). Whenever players do this, they're lying to the ref, the players who fucked them up (but not really), the spectators and everybody else. They're also trying to gain an unfair advantage, which is also a serious infraction. Basically, THEY'RE CHEATING and yet in basketball and futbol you get a slap on the wrist and everything's fine. It's not like the 9,000 instances in which a guy goes for a slide tackle and misses the ball but catches a bit of shin. That shows legit intention to get the ball, and sometimes it doesn't always work out and it counts as a foul. Unintentional, but a foul nonetheless, and he was trying to do something that's legal in the sport.
Hitting the ground and clutching the leg that was just not-kicked is an attempt to deceive everybody (the ref especially) and draw a non-existent foul.In other words, that's some low-balling yellow-bellied HORSESHIT.
Stick to the sport and don't waste our time with your goddamn pussy "augghhhh I just got fouled" theatrics bullshit. Maybe try playing with honor and see how that feels. If you're an athlete and you think victory's more important than the rules, you don't deserve the admiration and respect.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcCO6E4NUs8&feature=related
All this diving and flopping shit gets in the way of the sport (see also: Pau Gasol and Josh Koscheck). Whenever players do this, they're lying to the ref, the players who fucked them up (but not really), the spectators and everybody else. They're also trying to gain an unfair advantage, which is also a serious infraction. Basically, THEY'RE CHEATING and yet in basketball and futbol you get a slap on the wrist and everything's fine. It's not like the 9,000 instances in which a guy goes for a slide tackle and misses the ball but catches a bit of shin. That shows legit intention to get the ball, and sometimes it doesn't always work out and it counts as a foul. Unintentional, but a foul nonetheless, and he was trying to do something that's legal in the sport.
Hitting the ground and clutching the leg that was just not-kicked is an attempt to deceive everybody (the ref especially) and draw a non-existent foul.In other words, that's some low-balling yellow-bellied HORSESHIT.
Stick to the sport and don't waste our time with your goddamn pussy "augghhhh I just got fouled" theatrics bullshit. Maybe try playing with honor and see how that feels. If you're an athlete and you think victory's more important than the rules, you don't deserve the admiration and respect.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
forza petrolia
Recently a few oil execs went before Congress and got spanked silly, which was fine and all, but then one of the guys leading the hunt demanded an apology. Unfortunately, forcing somebody to say "I'm sorry" don't do SHIT. Remorse is only organic. You can't make that shit in a factory, and you can't squeeze it out of somebody, at least not like that. I don't know why "say you're sorry!" is such a popular tool when it comes to discipline. Going through the motion and actually meaning it are two VERY different things, and yet we seem to link them sometimes. Which might explain why a public figure can fuck up and say something mean, and then he'll release a lengthy statement full of big words that don't really mean anything, and then he's in the clear.
A few days ago I bumped into somebody who was all for hitting your kids as a form of discipline. The conversation went something like this:
Me: .... it fucks with their head. No animal is coded to do hurt their young. Okay, every once in a while some lion might go crazy and eat cubs, but that's different. Parental instinct says you feed the offspring, and show it how to hunt, and fight off the alligator that's trying to pull it under the water. Nowhere in the playbook does it say "hit your kid." You're three years old, and the hand that feeds you is also the hand that smacks you when you're out of line? That's more of a mindfuck than calc III. That's why you're not supposed to hit your dog either, at least not with your hand. Dog gradually links hands to smacks, so when Sally from down the block yells "Doggie!" and runs to pet him, he freaks out, moves to defend himself and bites her face off, and then it's, "OH, THE DOG'S A MENACE TO SOCIETY, WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN, OH, THE HUMANIT-"
Her: [smack]
Me: Ow.
Here's to hoping I never, ever get a handjob from her.
A few days ago I bumped into somebody who was all for hitting your kids as a form of discipline. The conversation went something like this:
Me: .... it fucks with their head. No animal is coded to do hurt their young. Okay, every once in a while some lion might go crazy and eat cubs, but that's different. Parental instinct says you feed the offspring, and show it how to hunt, and fight off the alligator that's trying to pull it under the water. Nowhere in the playbook does it say "hit your kid." You're three years old, and the hand that feeds you is also the hand that smacks you when you're out of line? That's more of a mindfuck than calc III. That's why you're not supposed to hit your dog either, at least not with your hand. Dog gradually links hands to smacks, so when Sally from down the block yells "Doggie!" and runs to pet him, he freaks out, moves to defend himself and bites her face off, and then it's, "OH, THE DOG'S A MENACE TO SOCIETY, WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN, OH, THE HUMANIT-"
Her: [smack]
Me: Ow.
Here's to hoping I never, ever get a handjob from her.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
for-za! for-za! for-za!
Ah, futbol. Like hockey, boxing and MMA, it is one of the few sports during which I can yell KNOCK HIS BLOCK OFF!! (This is usually unnecessary whenever Italy is playing, because they seem to get injured a lot anyway).
BP's clusterfuck has taken the backseat ever since Clint Dempsey drilled his shot at Rob Green, and now the man can't even play golf without being harassed by the press (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/football/world-cup-2010/7825460/World-Cup-2010-Robert-Green-takes-to-the-golf-greens-to-ease-goal-blunder-woe.html).
Rob Green made a huge mistake, and I like puns such as "hand of clod" and "stars and tripe," but he really doesn't deserve all the heat & bitching that everybody sent his way. All right, the dude let a grave error go down on his watch. Well, he didn't do that shit on purpose. And no matter how good you are, EVERYBODY is prone to making mistakes. The better you are, the less likely you are to err; still, nobody (except for Chuck Norris) is 0 percent likely to make a mistake. It's like an asymptote (http://www.hockeyzombie.com/comics/2009-08-02-090802.jpg). Your skill level might go shooting off to infinity (x value), but your likeliness to fuck something up (y value) will never reach 0, although it will get very close.
Sometimes the best in the world fuck things up. At UFC 111 Georges St. Pierre had Dan Hardy in what looked like a surefire armbar. He was an arm twist and a hip elevation away from breaking the Brit's arm and actually finishing the fight, but he turned the arm the wrong way and lost the dominant position. This guy's 20 - 2, hasn't lost a fight since 2007 and has defended his belt 4 times without ever really being in trouble. While his mistake wasn't as costly or pun-yielding as Rob Green's ("armbar" is a pretty tough word to work with, though there is probably a wealth of gay jokes connected to Georges's taking Dan's arm and putting it between his legs right by his balls), it's still a big deal to see a guy who has a black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu mess up a basic submission.
Also consider Zinedine Zidane (three-time FIFA world player of the year) and Ron Artest (2004 defensive player of the year), who both deviated from the sportsmanship that highlighted their careers (all right, maybe not so much for Ron Artest) and either headbutted an Italian guy or punched the wrong spectator. Bill Buckner let an easy ground ball roll past him in the '86 Yankees X Red Sox World Series, and in 2009 Kurt Warner's second quarter touchdown pass went instead to linebacker James Harrison, who huffed and puffed and ran the ball 100 yards the other way for a Pittsburgh touchdown. (Credit to Kurt Warner for throwing someone's touchdown pass, like he intended.)
SHIT HAPPENS. It's unfortunate, and it doesn't happen often, but sometimes even the best people make mistakes. We should all do a Rob Green right now: forget about the blunder, deal with the 1 - 1 draw, bury it and enjoy the ensuing games.
And go to a doctor. Maybe get that hand of clod checked out.
BP's clusterfuck has taken the backseat ever since Clint Dempsey drilled his shot at Rob Green, and now the man can't even play golf without being harassed by the press (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/football/world-cup-2010/7825460/World-Cup-2010-Robert-Green-takes-to-the-golf-greens-to-ease-goal-blunder-woe.html).
Rob Green made a huge mistake, and I like puns such as "hand of clod" and "stars and tripe," but he really doesn't deserve all the heat & bitching that everybody sent his way. All right, the dude let a grave error go down on his watch. Well, he didn't do that shit on purpose. And no matter how good you are, EVERYBODY is prone to making mistakes. The better you are, the less likely you are to err; still, nobody (except for Chuck Norris) is 0 percent likely to make a mistake. It's like an asymptote (http://www.hockeyzombie.com/comics/2009-08-02-090802.jpg). Your skill level might go shooting off to infinity (x value), but your likeliness to fuck something up (y value) will never reach 0, although it will get very close.
Sometimes the best in the world fuck things up. At UFC 111 Georges St. Pierre had Dan Hardy in what looked like a surefire armbar. He was an arm twist and a hip elevation away from breaking the Brit's arm and actually finishing the fight, but he turned the arm the wrong way and lost the dominant position. This guy's 20 - 2, hasn't lost a fight since 2007 and has defended his belt 4 times without ever really being in trouble. While his mistake wasn't as costly or pun-yielding as Rob Green's ("armbar" is a pretty tough word to work with, though there is probably a wealth of gay jokes connected to Georges's taking Dan's arm and putting it between his legs right by his balls), it's still a big deal to see a guy who has a black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu mess up a basic submission.
Also consider Zinedine Zidane (three-time FIFA world player of the year) and Ron Artest (2004 defensive player of the year), who both deviated from the sportsmanship that highlighted their careers (all right, maybe not so much for Ron Artest) and either headbutted an Italian guy or punched the wrong spectator. Bill Buckner let an easy ground ball roll past him in the '86 Yankees X Red Sox World Series, and in 2009 Kurt Warner's second quarter touchdown pass went instead to linebacker James Harrison, who huffed and puffed and ran the ball 100 yards the other way for a Pittsburgh touchdown. (Credit to Kurt Warner for throwing someone's touchdown pass, like he intended.)
SHIT HAPPENS. It's unfortunate, and it doesn't happen often, but sometimes even the best people make mistakes. We should all do a Rob Green right now: forget about the blunder, deal with the 1 - 1 draw, bury it and enjoy the ensuing games.
And go to a doctor. Maybe get that hand of clod checked out.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
GreenCount
In a moment of Samuel Jacksonness, Obama said he is searching for "whose ass to kick." Yea, he said that in an interview. Wasn't it Spike Lee who said that Obama should be more vocal? That was two weeks ago or something. If anacondas turn up on Air Force One, I think I know exactly what he'll say.
1. "Isn't going green a fad?"
Going green is like dieting, being frugal or filling out your census form*. They're good things to do. They've ALWAYS been good things to do (ever since the first caveman realized, "Fuck. Me fat. Me work out and eat good now so me can get caveguidette at sand-water this summer"), and yet we Americans can't quite get it. Going green - whose synonyms include "being environmentally responsible," "not being an asshole and properly disposing of your batteries and electronics so their shit don't seep into the ground and water and fuck up the fish that I feed my kids" and "killing the lights you don't need so you don't have to pay for power that you waste" - is not a fad. It's only becoming a big deal now because in the Industrial Revolution, when factories and all that shit were coming up, the planet could kinda handle the smoke, fog, smog, and other Los Angeles-native pollutants. We've been doing that for a couple hundred years now, and today in 2010, we're starting to feel it. That's why you have these people (you may know them as "tree huggers," "hippies," "hipsters," "Al Gore" etc.) who are out there with their grassroots movements and their initiatives and their shit. It wouldn't have worked 60 years ago because everything felt fine. It snowed in the winter and it was hot in the summer. How bout the shit that's going on now? It snowed in April of 2006 in New Jersey. I spent last Christmas Eve checking out hot girls at the beach with a set of binoculars in 80 degree weather. I spent Christmas Morning getting emergency binocular removal surgery at a proctologist's office. Alas, such is life.
2. "Global warming is a myth."
Maybe it is and maybe it isn't, but that doesn't mean you go back to doing the dumb shit you're doing now. Say you smoke, and you go in for a checkup, and the doctor says, your lungs look like the Taco Bell I left in the toilet, BUT! you don't have cancer. So you say woohoo! And go home and smoke some more. That's an intelligent thing to do. Call it global warming, call it climate change, or !xobile, YVAN EHT NIOJ, "oil gusher," "skeet," whatever title you want to give it. The planet gets fucked up every day, and it's been getting fucked up every day, ever since a cow farted and released methane into the environment. At least try to make this place last a LITTLE longer so your grandkids can enjoy it, or help buy some time because you never know if or when a solution will be discovered. Or maybe we'll just up and fly to Mars. Shit, I don't know. Every green hipster out there strives for a mix of these things: stop the problem, slow the problem, buy time. Imagine it's 2150, and the planet is even more fucked up than it already is. How do you explain that? A bunch of pricks thought it wasn't a big deal, so they kept doing their shit, and they died in general comfort, as did the generation after them. But it gradually got worse and worse and when people finally realized what was happening, it was too late. Too bad =( Alas, such is life.
3. "Oh I'm not interested in the Census."
The Census means money. Some 8 million people live in NYC, as far as anyone knows. Say the census data come in and the magic number is 5 million. NYC is going to get 5 million persons' worth of funding for their hospitals, roads, AA programs, schools, MTA, all that SHIT. You blow off the census and you ---- yourself in the ass for the next ten years. Some people like to turn away the form and the enumerators etc in a bid to protect themselves and their privacy. What privacy do you think you have? If Uncle Sam really wanted to, he could wiretap your phones and smash his way into your email in a heartbeat. Slamming the door and saying, muahaha, they'll never know that four people live here! isn't quite the same as sticking it to the man.
There are totally some problems with how the 2010 census was and is being conducted. Well, it's the government. Get over it. They're not gonna quit. You're under their auspices, and if you don't like it, you can go to Montreal or Tijuana. Sometimes you just gotta put up with shit. You should always be critical and questioning, but in constructive ways. Slamming the door in a government worker's face (when she's trying to throw you a friggin' bone) is akin to some college kid in California flipping over a car and setting the engine block on fire because his tuition increased. Also, census workers don't have badges or fancy suits or 9mms, so it's easy to turn them away. But the census is a mandatory thing. You wouldn't tell ATF you're "not interested" when they pull the door off your house at 11pm, and you wouldn't put "refused, return to sender" on a tax form and mail it in. If people keep ducking it's not going to stop until some really unnecessary legal shit goes down. Alas, such is life.
4. "Collective action fail"
Few believe in the power of one, and it's seriously fucking this country over. Don't nobody vote. People think, I'm one person, what difference am I gonna make?
FACT: You ARE one person. Your vote probably will NOT be the deciding factor in young (relatively) black guy or old white guy in the oval office.
FACT: When millions of people think this way, bad things happen.
FACT: Millions of Americans DO think this way, and bad things DO happen. For example, a black guy becomes president and a bunch of people are all, WHAT THE FUCK. THAT'S BULLSHIT. I DON'T WANT SOME (reeeeee) IN THAT THERE CIRCLE OFFICE (it's actually an oval). Well, did you vote? Oh. And you're upset. Right, okay.
FACT: Every little thing counts. I realize this contradicts F1, but that's only because I didn't mention when lots of "one person"s come together to do shit, you get results. Weird, right?
Collective action fail, as I've lazily pieced together, means something needs to be done but all the participants think, naw, fuck that shit, somebody else will do it so I don't have to.
There are a million things wrong in the world right now. Israeli commandos are storming love boats, BP oil is spilling into the Gulf, a North Korean striker promised "a goal a game" in the World Cup . . . . how the hell are we supposed to fix any of that if we can't even find it in ourselves to matter worth a damn? Jesus.
1. "Isn't going green a fad?"
Going green is like dieting, being frugal or filling out your census form*. They're good things to do. They've ALWAYS been good things to do (ever since the first caveman realized, "Fuck. Me fat. Me work out and eat good now so me can get caveguidette at sand-water this summer"), and yet we Americans can't quite get it. Going green - whose synonyms include "being environmentally responsible," "not being an asshole and properly disposing of your batteries and electronics so their shit don't seep into the ground and water and fuck up the fish that I feed my kids" and "killing the lights you don't need so you don't have to pay for power that you waste" - is not a fad. It's only becoming a big deal now because in the Industrial Revolution, when factories and all that shit were coming up, the planet could kinda handle the smoke, fog, smog, and other Los Angeles-native pollutants. We've been doing that for a couple hundred years now, and today in 2010, we're starting to feel it. That's why you have these people (you may know them as "tree huggers," "hippies," "hipsters," "Al Gore" etc.) who are out there with their grassroots movements and their initiatives and their shit. It wouldn't have worked 60 years ago because everything felt fine. It snowed in the winter and it was hot in the summer. How bout the shit that's going on now? It snowed in April of 2006 in New Jersey. I spent last Christmas Eve checking out hot girls at the beach with a set of binoculars in 80 degree weather. I spent Christmas Morning getting emergency binocular removal surgery at a proctologist's office. Alas, such is life.
2. "Global warming is a myth."
Maybe it is and maybe it isn't, but that doesn't mean you go back to doing the dumb shit you're doing now. Say you smoke, and you go in for a checkup, and the doctor says, your lungs look like the Taco Bell I left in the toilet, BUT! you don't have cancer. So you say woohoo! And go home and smoke some more. That's an intelligent thing to do. Call it global warming, call it climate change, or !xobile, YVAN EHT NIOJ, "oil gusher," "skeet," whatever title you want to give it. The planet gets fucked up every day, and it's been getting fucked up every day, ever since a cow farted and released methane into the environment. At least try to make this place last a LITTLE longer so your grandkids can enjoy it, or help buy some time because you never know if or when a solution will be discovered. Or maybe we'll just up and fly to Mars. Shit, I don't know. Every green hipster out there strives for a mix of these things: stop the problem, slow the problem, buy time. Imagine it's 2150, and the planet is even more fucked up than it already is. How do you explain that? A bunch of pricks thought it wasn't a big deal, so they kept doing their shit, and they died in general comfort, as did the generation after them. But it gradually got worse and worse and when people finally realized what was happening, it was too late. Too bad =( Alas, such is life.
3. "Oh I'm not interested in the Census."
The Census means money. Some 8 million people live in NYC, as far as anyone knows. Say the census data come in and the magic number is 5 million. NYC is going to get 5 million persons' worth of funding for their hospitals, roads, AA programs, schools, MTA, all that SHIT. You blow off the census and you ---- yourself in the ass for the next ten years. Some people like to turn away the form and the enumerators etc in a bid to protect themselves and their privacy. What privacy do you think you have? If Uncle Sam really wanted to, he could wiretap your phones and smash his way into your email in a heartbeat. Slamming the door and saying, muahaha, they'll never know that four people live here! isn't quite the same as sticking it to the man.
There are totally some problems with how the 2010 census was and is being conducted. Well, it's the government. Get over it. They're not gonna quit. You're under their auspices, and if you don't like it, you can go to Montreal or Tijuana. Sometimes you just gotta put up with shit. You should always be critical and questioning, but in constructive ways. Slamming the door in a government worker's face (when she's trying to throw you a friggin' bone) is akin to some college kid in California flipping over a car and setting the engine block on fire because his tuition increased. Also, census workers don't have badges or fancy suits or 9mms, so it's easy to turn them away. But the census is a mandatory thing. You wouldn't tell ATF you're "not interested" when they pull the door off your house at 11pm, and you wouldn't put "refused, return to sender" on a tax form and mail it in. If people keep ducking it's not going to stop until some really unnecessary legal shit goes down. Alas, such is life.
4. "Collective action fail"
Few believe in the power of one, and it's seriously fucking this country over. Don't nobody vote. People think, I'm one person, what difference am I gonna make?
FACT: You ARE one person. Your vote probably will NOT be the deciding factor in young (relatively) black guy or old white guy in the oval office.
FACT: When millions of people think this way, bad things happen.
FACT: Millions of Americans DO think this way, and bad things DO happen. For example, a black guy becomes president and a bunch of people are all, WHAT THE FUCK. THAT'S BULLSHIT. I DON'T WANT SOME (reeeeee) IN THAT THERE CIRCLE OFFICE (it's actually an oval). Well, did you vote? Oh. And you're upset. Right, okay.
FACT: Every little thing counts. I realize this contradicts F1, but that's only because I didn't mention when lots of "one person"s come together to do shit, you get results. Weird, right?
Collective action fail, as I've lazily pieced together, means something needs to be done but all the participants think, naw, fuck that shit, somebody else will do it so I don't have to.
There are a million things wrong in the world right now. Israeli commandos are storming love boats, BP oil is spilling into the Gulf, a North Korean striker promised "a goal a game" in the World Cup . . . . how the hell are we supposed to fix any of that if we can't even find it in ourselves to matter worth a damn? Jesus.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
WHAT'S HAPPENING TODAY
1. Oil is still spilling into the Gulf of Mexico. The following techniques/equipment/terms have been discussed: top kill, top hat, diamond saw, robot submarines, oil gusher, junk shot. I expect mention of "sharks with laser beams attached to their heads" in the next 2 - 3 days.
2. A mother found her kidnapped kids on Facebook (story : http://www.opposingviews.com/i/mom-finds-kids-on-facebook-15-years-after-kidnapping-dad-arrested ). A people search of Osama bin Laden yielded no good results -
[ 2.5 brb the FBI is here ]
2.7 - but Dzulkifli Bin Jais and Adhiraj Malhotra made the top 10, along with Steven Vieth and Tudor Grangure. Still, it was worth a shot. Maybe after Mark Zuckerberg finishes dreaming up ways to subtly make our private information public he can fix Facebook's search parameters.
3. People are still rarararara!!! (for some reason it occurred to me to use "angry pekingese noise" as a stand-in adjective for "angry," "fuming," etc) about DADT, which a) leads me to my next point and b) sounds like a related rate [ if a = hm(o^2)t, da/dt = ?] , some kind of date rape drug , or BP's next solution for the oil gusher (if the sharks fail).
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn98wklwg_hqiVgE1LvKuIjoSrDPB3vvzfBGvRVHXZfXMkdbhgk-W3sO69DYFXevjbzMoONwA9EvA4a8v2c4wHTwazR4eBrOarY8dKRE7twmIApJxk6Ti0bmuHMcac4n_8l3aMVBiXrZTR/s400/GUSHERS.jpg
Now. DADT. Some people in the military don't get it. They don't get the whole "gay" thing, or it challenges their entire upbringing, or they just don't like to see two guys blowing each other. If soldiers are worried about sleeping and showering among guys who might want to put their tab As into their slot Bs (get it? slot B?), well, that's stereotyping and very similar to freaking out when an Arab gets on your plane, clutching your purse when you're alone in the elevator with a black guy, and planning to leave the country whenever an Alaskan governor gets a VP bid.
If you're gonna put that rap on gays, why stop there? Ban everybody who's black, they tend to hold first place when it comes to crime and giving them weapons training is clearly a disaster waiting to happen. Might want to watch out for the young white guys, too, since they're usually the type to shoot up their schools and college campuses. And you KNOW that Christians and Jews won't be able to squeeze the trigger when it's time to take a life.
By definition, gay men are men who are into other men. But that doesn't mean they're gonna do some gay shit and Private Barnes is gonna wake up one morning to find he's being teabagged. An activist is somebody who really stands for a cause, not somebody who will definitely set cars on fire and get shot while trying to scale the White House fence. A rottweiler is a dog that can produce 320+ pounds of force in a bite; that doesn't mean that one will snatch your infant, run away with her and eat her. (Then why are they highly represented in dog-attacks-human studies? see : http://www.gladwell.com/2006/2006_02_06_a_pitbull.html ).
This DADT shit isn't new. It's just some old school profiling made interesting because we're dealing with the idea of homos in our armed forces, and that sounds more fun than "a black guy just got busted for weed." Profiling isn't a surefire way to prevent bad shit from happening, but it's a great way to piss off large volumes of people. Think profiling would have stopped that African guy from lighting his balls on fire on the plane last Christmas? He was just a dark guy who wanted to fly. No beard, no turban, no scary accent. Ee probahbly sounded like da African guy in my class, who spoke sloowly, and wif tact and no aeir of meh-nuh-cing. (Or maybe he sounded like Ludacris, I don't know. I'm still guessing he didn't sound like a 24 villain.) But he totally had explosives strapped around his package. Here's an excerpt from Gladwell :
"'If you look at the London bombings, you have three British citizens of Pakistani descent. You have Germaine Lindsay, who is Jamaican. You have the next crew, on July 21st, who are East African. You have a Chechen woman in Moscow in early 2004 who blows herself up in the subway station. So whom do you profile? Look at New York City. Forty per cent of New Yorkers are born outside the country. Look at the diversity here. Who am I supposed to profile? You think that terrorists aren't aware of how easy it is to be characterized by ethnicity?' Kelly went on. 'Look at the 9/11 hijackers. They came here. They shaved. They went to topless bars. They wanted to blend in. They wanted to look like they were part of the American dream. These are not dumb people. Could a terrorist dress up as a Hasidic Jew and walk into the subway, and not be profiled? Yes. I think profiling is just nuts.'" (That's coming from NYPD's commissioner, by the way)
I'd also like to mention that whenever a gay guy enlists, he's signing up to maybe give his life in defense of the entire country and its way of life. Participants include the Westboro Baptist Church ("god hates fags" and "thanks god for our dead soldiers"), the Ku Klux Klan, the neo-Nazis, the cheaters, the immoral, the commies and the flagburners, the white collar crooks etc. You're gonna tell a gay guy who voluntarily wants to step up and defend all that bullshit, "No, you're gay, get your homo-ass tight pants and open shirt outta heah, I don't want you buttfucking my platoon 'cause I KNOW you'll do that shit"? That's fucked up. Their bright clothing might compromise GI camouflage, that's one thing. But the other stuff is all bullshit.
2. A mother found her kidnapped kids on Facebook (story : http://www.opposingviews.com/i/mom-finds-kids-on-facebook-15-years-after-kidnapping-dad-arrested ). A people search of Osama bin Laden yielded no good results -
[ 2.5 brb the FBI is here ]
2.7 - but Dzulkifli Bin Jais and Adhiraj Malhotra made the top 10, along with Steven Vieth and Tudor Grangure. Still, it was worth a shot. Maybe after Mark Zuckerberg finishes dreaming up ways to subtly make our private information public he can fix Facebook's search parameters.
3. People are still rarararara!!! (for some reason it occurred to me to use "angry pekingese noise" as a stand-in adjective for "angry," "fuming," etc) about DADT, which a) leads me to my next point and b) sounds like a related rate [ if a = hm(o^2)t, da/dt = ?] , some kind of date rape drug , or BP's next solution for the oil gusher (if the sharks fail).
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn98wklwg_hqiVgE1LvKuIjoSrDPB3vvzfBGvRVHXZfXMkdbhgk-W3sO69DYFXevjbzMoONwA9EvA4a8v2c4wHTwazR4eBrOarY8dKRE7twmIApJxk6Ti0bmuHMcac4n_8l3aMVBiXrZTR/s400/GUSHERS.jpg
Now. DADT. Some people in the military don't get it. They don't get the whole "gay" thing, or it challenges their entire upbringing, or they just don't like to see two guys blowing each other. If soldiers are worried about sleeping and showering among guys who might want to put their tab As into their slot Bs (get it? slot B?), well, that's stereotyping and very similar to freaking out when an Arab gets on your plane, clutching your purse when you're alone in the elevator with a black guy, and planning to leave the country whenever an Alaskan governor gets a VP bid.
If you're gonna put that rap on gays, why stop there? Ban everybody who's black, they tend to hold first place when it comes to crime and giving them weapons training is clearly a disaster waiting to happen. Might want to watch out for the young white guys, too, since they're usually the type to shoot up their schools and college campuses. And you KNOW that Christians and Jews won't be able to squeeze the trigger when it's time to take a life.
By definition, gay men are men who are into other men. But that doesn't mean they're gonna do some gay shit and Private Barnes is gonna wake up one morning to find he's being teabagged. An activist is somebody who really stands for a cause, not somebody who will definitely set cars on fire and get shot while trying to scale the White House fence. A rottweiler is a dog that can produce 320+ pounds of force in a bite; that doesn't mean that one will snatch your infant, run away with her and eat her. (Then why are they highly represented in dog-attacks-human studies? see : http://www.gladwell.com/2006/2006_02_06_a_pitbull.html ).
This DADT shit isn't new. It's just some old school profiling made interesting because we're dealing with the idea of homos in our armed forces, and that sounds more fun than "a black guy just got busted for weed." Profiling isn't a surefire way to prevent bad shit from happening, but it's a great way to piss off large volumes of people. Think profiling would have stopped that African guy from lighting his balls on fire on the plane last Christmas? He was just a dark guy who wanted to fly. No beard, no turban, no scary accent. Ee probahbly sounded like da African guy in my class, who spoke sloowly, and wif tact and no aeir of meh-nuh-cing. (Or maybe he sounded like Ludacris, I don't know. I'm still guessing he didn't sound like a 24 villain.) But he totally had explosives strapped around his package. Here's an excerpt from Gladwell :
"'If you look at the London bombings, you have three British citizens of Pakistani descent. You have Germaine Lindsay, who is Jamaican. You have the next crew, on July 21st, who are East African. You have a Chechen woman in Moscow in early 2004 who blows herself up in the subway station. So whom do you profile? Look at New York City. Forty per cent of New Yorkers are born outside the country. Look at the diversity here. Who am I supposed to profile? You think that terrorists aren't aware of how easy it is to be characterized by ethnicity?' Kelly went on. 'Look at the 9/11 hijackers. They came here. They shaved. They went to topless bars. They wanted to blend in. They wanted to look like they were part of the American dream. These are not dumb people. Could a terrorist dress up as a Hasidic Jew and walk into the subway, and not be profiled? Yes. I think profiling is just nuts.'" (That's coming from NYPD's commissioner, by the way)
I'd also like to mention that whenever a gay guy enlists, he's signing up to maybe give his life in defense of the entire country and its way of life. Participants include the Westboro Baptist Church ("god hates fags" and "thanks god for our dead soldiers"), the Ku Klux Klan, the neo-Nazis, the cheaters, the immoral, the commies and the flagburners, the white collar crooks etc. You're gonna tell a gay guy who voluntarily wants to step up and defend all that bullshit, "No, you're gay, get your homo-ass tight pants and open shirt outta heah, I don't want you buttfucking my platoon 'cause I KNOW you'll do that shit"? That's fucked up. Their bright clothing might compromise GI camouflage, that's one thing. But the other stuff is all bullshit.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Ten things you learn when you're cooped up in a midtown Manhattan apartment for most of the day:
1. You are NOT in a college dorm; blasting Lady Gaga at 2pm is NOT acceptable, according to the big scary sounding guy who is pounding on the door.
2. Pretending you are "Consuela the housekeeper" is not a reliable way of deceiving the big scary sounding guy who is pounding on the door. Thanks, Family Guy.
3. TBS, with its infinite Saved By The Bell/Fresh Prince reruns, is your best friend.
4. Those "book" things that they tried to force upon you in high school are pretty nice, too. Despite the lack of pictures =(
5. Jump roping in a small space is a very good way to damage nearby electronics and furniture.
6. The nearest reliable TV repair center is at Best Buy 529 5th avenue.
7. Cooked food is a luxury and a privilege. Conversely, Dunkin Donuts breakfast sandwiches are a great way to go into shock..... they taste so yummy though!
8. "Spike TV" and "CSI" are synonymous between noon and 5pm.
9. You... just.... might be Tyler Durden. Or maybe Tyler Durden is you.
10. You must get out of the apartment.
Clearly I'm fucking up this whole live-like-Holden-Caulfield-and-explore-the-city bit, but that's probably because I spend way too much time playing around in the 4am area. Le sigh.
If you're having a bad day or feeling shitty about yourself, think about this: for the past month, some of the brightest engineers in the country haven't been able to fix a leaky pipe [ that's been spewing gobs of oil into the Gulf of Mexico ) .
1. You are NOT in a college dorm; blasting Lady Gaga at 2pm is NOT acceptable, according to the big scary sounding guy who is pounding on the door.
2. Pretending you are "Consuela the housekeeper" is not a reliable way of deceiving the big scary sounding guy who is pounding on the door. Thanks, Family Guy.
3. TBS, with its infinite Saved By The Bell/Fresh Prince reruns, is your best friend.
4. Those "book" things that they tried to force upon you in high school are pretty nice, too. Despite the lack of pictures =(
5. Jump roping in a small space is a very good way to damage nearby electronics and furniture.
6. The nearest reliable TV repair center is at Best Buy 529 5th avenue.
7. Cooked food is a luxury and a privilege. Conversely, Dunkin Donuts breakfast sandwiches are a great way to go into shock..... they taste so yummy though!
8. "Spike TV" and "CSI" are synonymous between noon and 5pm.
9. You... just.... might be Tyler Durden. Or maybe Tyler Durden is you.
10. You must get out of the apartment.
Clearly I'm fucking up this whole live-like-Holden-Caulfield-and-explore-the-city bit, but that's probably because I spend way too much time playing around in the 4am area. Le sigh.
If you're having a bad day or feeling shitty about yourself, think about this: for the past month, some of the brightest engineers in the country haven't been able to fix a leaky pipe [ that's been spewing gobs of oil into the Gulf of Mexico ) .
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Round one. Fight!
Just made one of these on a whim. Fear I'll turn out like another one of those losers who just posts his feelings on the Internet. Figure Rorschachy sentence fragments will offset that fate.
Went to Max Brenner's. Great vibe. Dark, with loud music. Good for drowning out stupidity and cloaking physical flaws, as Elizabeth suggested. Nice theory. Sounds odd - but I like to see what I'm eating and hear the guy sitting six feet across the table from me. Even if it is Octavian.
raspy Rorschach breathing.
$2 dumplings at Prosperity Dumpling. Cheap eats make NYC amazing. Asked for coke. Lady hands me a Heineken. Welcome to Chinatown.
more raspy Rorschach breathing
Went to Max Brenner's. Great vibe. Dark, with loud music. Good for drowning out stupidity and cloaking physical flaws, as Elizabeth suggested. Nice theory. Sounds odd - but I like to see what I'm eating and hear the guy sitting six feet across the table from me. Even if it is Octavian.
raspy Rorschach breathing.
$2 dumplings at Prosperity Dumpling. Cheap eats make NYC amazing. Asked for coke. Lady hands me a Heineken. Welcome to Chinatown.
more raspy Rorschach breathing
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